Holy Water
A train hits a bus load of Catholic school girls and they all
perish. They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly
gates past St. Peter. St. Peter asks the first girl,
"Jessica, have you ever had any contact with a penis?"
She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head
of one with the tip of my finger."
St. Peter says, "OK, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water and
Pass through the gate." St. Peter asks the next girl the same question,
"Catherine have you ever had any contact with a penis?"
The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well once I fondled and
stroked one."St. Peter says, "OK, dip your whole hand in The
Holy Water and pass through the gate."
All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls; one
girl is pushing her way to the front of the line.
When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says,
"Molly! What seems to be the rush?"
The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I
want to do it before Tiffany sticks her ass in it."

Women Are Evil By Nature...
A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub...
She gestured alluringly to the bartender who
approached her immediately.
She seductively signalled that he should bring his face
closer to hers.As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face
with both hands.Actually, no," he replied.
Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said,
running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender.
"Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued,
running her forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly
popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing
him to suck themgently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.
"Tell him," she whispered,
"There's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room.

A piece of news…

Many of you may have been aware that I’ve returned to part time study to complete a Diploma of Remedial Massage at a Private College at Stones Corner. I need to update my skills and have the opportunity to have patients obtain rebates from Private Health Insurance. So I had a few exemptions of subjects due to prior learning from previous studies. I have already completed Lymphatic Drainage over two full weekends and was happy but annoyed that I completed the subject with a 99% pass rate (the only question I got wrong was an anatomy question). Now 12 years ago when I studied I had to complete Anatomy & Physiology 2 subject (understanding the 12 systems of the body – Cardiovascular, Lymphatic, Sensory (sight, smell, taste, hearing), Renal, Endocrine – you get the drift anyway), back to the story… I failed this subject, even though I found it interesting, I failed it. So when I had to re sit this subject I got rather panicky about it all. I even took 2 days off work before the exam to study for it…. Well I kind of flew through the exam on the day, and ended up making a few errors on the questions about the Kidneys…don’t worry Mum, I’m not going to work in Renal or Dialysis at the Hospital…..I thought I would have done quite well and scored maybe a credit. I have just rung my College to ask about the results…..People I scored 224 marks out of 250 total exam. I have achieved a level 6 – A DISCTINCTION…….

If you could see me right now, I’m doing the happy happy joy joy dance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cheers and thanks for reading, please send money and flowers.

Bring on A & P 3 which starts tomorrow arvo….

Suz

I found this on a friends page, and I thought why the hell not post in here for all of you to do... so here it is, feel free to copy it and add your responses as commentsPlace an X by all the things you've done, or remove the X from the ones you haven't . This is for your entire life!

Smoked a cigarette.
Drank so much you threw up. x
Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back. X
Been arrested.
Gone on a blind date. x
Skipped school. x and felt so guilty i had to tell my Mum...
Seen someone die. X (3 so far)
Been to Canada.
Been to Florida.
Been to Mexico.
Been on a plane. X
Been lost. X
Been on the opposite side of the country.
Gone to Washington , DC.
Swam in the ocean. X
Felt like dying.X
Cried yourself to sleep. X
Played cops and robbers X
Recently colored with crayons.
Sang karaoke. X
Paid for a meal with only coins. X
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't. X
Made prank phone calls. X
Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose. X
Caught a snowflake on your tongue. snow? is there such a thing in my tropical state?? lol
Danced in the rain. X
Written a letter to Santa Claus. X
Been kissed under the mistletoe. X
Watched the sun rise with someone you care about. X Blown bubbles. X
Made a bonfire on the beach.
Crashed a party. x
Gone roller-skating. X
Gone Ice-skating. X
Any Nicknames: Suz e que, Big Red, Godzilla(i was a tall kid at school)Princess Fluff Bottom (my friends don't believe my hubby that a flatuate..hehe)
Mothers Name: Sandra
What is your favorite drink? khalua & Milk, Jim Beam Black Label, Asti Riccodonna, Crouchen Reisling
Tattoos?
Body piercing? belly button, nose, ears
How much do you love your job? i love it so much..yes i'm on holidays
Birthplace: Penrith, NSW
Favorite vacation spot? Sunshine Coast
Ever been to Africa ?
Ever eaten cookies for dinner? x
Ever been on TV?
Ever steal any traffic signs? x
Ever been in a car accident? x
Was it your fault? x
2 doors or 4? 4
Salad Dressing? x
Favorite pie? apricot
Favorite number/s? 3, 7
Favorite movie? Pride and Prejudice, Ice Castles
Favorite holiday? christmas time
Favorite dessert? easier to say what i don't like...hahah
Favorite food? chinese or Italian
Favorite day of the week? saturday
Favorite brand of body soap? Palmolive Glycerine
Favorite t.v. show? x files, ER
Toothpaste? Colgate
Favorite smell? Chocolate Cake & Rain
What do you do to relax? give a massage or receive one
Do you have a message to your friends or family reading this? love you all
How do you see yourself in 10 years? in my own Remedial Massage Practice
What do you do when you are bored? eat
Furthest place you will send this message? to Paul in Wales
Who will respond fastest? doubt anyone would respond
is there someone you would like to get to know better? yes